Wisdom teeth removal + you can hear me silently sobbing in the distance.

Hello, m8roos! 

Yesterday, I had 2/4 of my wisdom teeth removed and I shit you not, during that process, my life flashed before my eyes. 

All the exaggeration aside, I’ve been in pain. It doesn’t hurt during the process, but after the anaesthesia wears off, you feel like you’re gonna die. 

I’ve been recovering pretty okay. My cheek kind of swelled up on the inside, and it’s bothering me but it’s normal, so I’m just like, “yeah okay I’ll get better within weeks.” 

I feel oh-so absolutely, immensely tired. Sleeping seems like a luxury at the moment. 

Anyway, I just thought I’d update everyone!

Lots of love. xx 

We do have the choice to make our own choices, right?

So, I went on this weird-ass rant to my friend, obviously, over something I saw. Now, as much as I’d like to claim that “I’m dead on the inside, I don’t really feel the feelies (not the band, just my way of saying feelings) so I don’t rly care tbh sry”,

It is false. Well, most of the times.

And now begins a rant, that I hope makes some sense at the least.

Being in the 11th grade taught me a lot of things. It taught me that people will hate you, people will love you, crushes break your heart, boyfriends dump you, girlfriends dump you, best friends leave, you find yourself a girlfriend, boyfriend, all that balderdash.

But one important thing it has taught me, is that people suddenly think they know exactly how you feel. Like. They feel they have the ruling power to suddenly lay a finger over how you should feel.

Through most of my time as a 11th grader, I was SO MAD AT PEOPLE for this. Let’s all also take into account that this was something I NEVER blogged about, just spoke about this to one friend in particular, because I was mad. Furious, even.

I’m awfully silent. When things happen, I don’t really talk about them voluntarily, unless I trust the other person. Even then, it’s sort of forced out, to be honest.

But, when a certain incident (involved a couple) occurred, all hell and heaven broke loose.

The whole of my grade just assumed I was upset about it. And that I was waiting to throw a party the moment the certain couple ended.

Which baffled me, tbh, because I don’t really work that way.

See, when I’m sad about things, I rant to certain people about it. There’s a reason you don’t know or the Felicia next door doesn’t know. If you shouldn’t know, we’ll just leave it at that.

The stories going around were INSANE. “She hates him because he was a dick to her!” “He dumped her, for her!”

At this point, all chill was lost. I lost my shit altogether when one of them asked me if I was happy that they were over, like, “Are you happy now? Didn’t you know? They’re over.” And it pissed me off so fucking much, because like I mentioned, I DO NOT WORK LIKE THAT. Secondly, I hate rubbing it in your face, but I don’t work like she does. I don’t wait for someone to be single and go like, “Ah yes. Must snatch and not give a fuck about ANYBOOOODDYYYYY he’s talking to. Time to be a hoe. MINE.”

Naturally, I let it get to me. Like, “Is this ACTUALLY what people think of me?” It kept haunting me for days together, and sometimes, I’d never really get why you’d want to exaggerate one of MY problems so much. If you wanted to be a writer or something, you could’ve found some other persons personal life fascinating.

See, I’m in the 12th grade now. I could REALLY care less. But what I want to highlight is that, it’s not really fair to dictate how I’m supposed to feel. Or just assume I’m some sort of bitch. Yes, I was mad. I wasn’t “broken”, nor was I waiting for anyone to realise anything. Like, fuck off. You made your choice, now go fly a kite with it for all I care.

It just never sunk in that liking someone so much could stir this much crap up. YES, I KNOW. OH LORD, I WAS HEARTBROKEN. But you don’t base my feelings on that and develop all kinds tales and stories that just make it look like I need sympathy.

I don’t need it. I will never need it.

We DO have a choice to make our own choices, right?

So, I chose to move on. Clearly, they didn’t.

I choose to be happy, and I want everyone to know that.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some orange juice to drink so that I can remind myself of the badass bitch that I am.

What the hell is up with people?

Are you ever in this mood where you’re just one table/chair/whatever the heck you find next to you away from throwing it at someones face?

Because that is my mood. ALL THE TIME.

There are no amount of letters that I could string together to form words that I will, again, string together to make coherent sentences to aptly put my point forward that I want to high five said someone. On the face. With a frying pan.

With my anger issues, I wouldn’t necessarily stop with furniture and kitchen utensils alone. I’d fling EVERYTHING within my line of sight, if I could.

Alright. Enough with the need to throw physical objects at people. But you get my point, right?

With school being a pain in the ass, along with the fact that 12th grade couldn’t get ANYMORE stressful than this, “lyf” sure does suck.

People are weird, and they are probably the one concept I will never understand. People and their myriad absurdities. Psshhtt. I should probably write a book on that, hm.

Some people are nice. Some people make you want to smash your face against the wall, or smash theirs. (It’s a free world. The choice is yours.)

But I will never EVER understand how MOST girls in my school function. Coked up barbie dolls, trying to impress them boys with 10 inch high stilettos that I will probably stab them in the neck with.

Maybe it’s just my lack of potential social skills that stop me from doing all the talking (Add some shyness to that, will you?) that is required to form friendly, human relationships..

or the basic fact that I am a pissed off 17 year old who has no ticking clue about what she’s doing with her life, that now, these barbies’ very existence piss me off.

BECAUSE YOU KNOW, THEY’RE UNRELIABLE. THEY THRIVE ON YOUR SADNESS. STUPID SOUL EATERS.

The boys. DO NOT GET ME STARTED. Creeps who think girls are the goals because they want to “score us”?

I’m sorry, kid. What is wrong with you. WHAT. IS.

I’m super stoked about the fact that I’m out of here, in 5 months. Really. Every part of me just relies on the fact that every year just whooshes by every time you blink your eyes. January 1st of every year is like a weird hangover for me. Like, I was spending an entire year like a drunk bozo talking about cats, and New Year is the head splitting hangover that ensues right after, and you’re literally doing the same, the next year again.

Almost like the vicious, never ending cycle high school tangles you in. The heartbreak-fall in love-fights with friends-heartbreak-fall in love-fights with friends-probably make some new ones along the way-fall in love-heartbreak nonsense.

All in all, the basic conclusion to this train-wreck of a post is that, people suck. The world sucks. My life sucks. I’m going to cry. Bye.

(Random note: My best friend and a group of few people are the ones i love the most in this world full of fake botches. ILY GUYS SO MUCH. HERE HAVE A COOKIE FROM MY SIDE. <3)

 

Tales of the brace-face: An introduction.

HELLO, HI.

Once upon a time, on my old blog, I started this thing called, “Tales of a brace face” which I never updated beyond the first part because this shit hurt like a mothertrucker and I really couldn’t sit and type because I spent most of my time wriggling and writhing in pain.

But, for the next 6 months, I’m going to try and continue this thing, because GUESS WHO JUST GOT THEM ON AGAIN!!!!!! EUGH.

It’s honestly just an attempt to make myself feel better.

Anyways.

This (not so) new brace-face will be talking about what it’s like to have them, some relatable gifs, a countdown to the tentative date of getting them removed, (Hopefully, 6 months?) and stuff I will be telling myself to make sure I’m not insecure about having them on. I know because I’ve had them before and SOME photos didn’t turn out so bad.

So maybe they won’t be that bad after all.

Here’s to (hopefully) 6 months of funny shit and my time in Brace-Land, again.

🙂

(P.S. Here’s a little parody I made:

I’M ALL ABOUT THAT BRACE, ‘BOUT THAT BRACE, NO I’M NEVER SMILING WITH MY TEETH ANYMORE.)

Kbye.

First love, blah blah BLAH.

  
I see things I wish I hadn’t seen. It could be anything. Someone’s snapchat story, someone’s Instagram post, anything really. 

I’m so pissed off. It was yesterday when I saw it, but I don’t know. My mind is too cluttered to comprehend anything I feel because I feel like utter, absolute, shit. 

Anyways.. 

I usually use a friends Facebook account for the stalking of said someone, or said someone’s friends etc etc, and in the midst of this adventure, I stumbled upon this article from the artparasites website. 

(And I kind of realised why everyone really loves this website, ANYWAYS MOVING ON.) 

It spoke about first loves, and how you should really stop trying to get over it. 

As ridiculous as this sounds, my first ‘love’ will be the guy I crushed on for a year and a half, exactly. 

IT’S SO DUMB. But, I don’t think I’ve ever been so….hurt by him than anyone who has hurt me before. 

And that’s just ridiculous, honestly. 

But, I’ve also realised something. 

This is how it works for humans, I guess. With the passage of time, this is what happens: a part of the human race falls in love, a part that slowly grows apart from the loved one, and then another part of the human race that slowly see their lost relationship come back. Like, you know? The love of their life (or in this case, the first love) will knock on their door on a chill, Sunday morning and say, “Hey. I’ve missed you. It’s been a while, yeah?”

As clichè as this sounds, I don’t think I’ve met anyone quite like him. He was someone different. 

But, we are never incharge for how a person feels towards you, so I would say it was highly unlikely that he liked me back. 

And even if he did, he did a great fucking job covering it up. 

Back to the point. 

I have come beyond that point where I spend all my days thinking about him. I’ve found stuff to keep myself occupied, I try to draw, play the guitar and stuff and so far I seem to be doing a pretty good job. I don’t think about him all that much. At least, not as much as I used to. 

But I can’t deny that I miss him. Despite whatever I tell my friends. 

I do. I really do, but all this is beyond me. So, I have to let go. By letting go, I’m not necessarily saying I’m moving on, but I’m almost there anyways. I’ll just have to wait a few more months and see how I’m steering myself emotionally. 

See, I have given up initiating any kind of contact in January of this year. He called on my birthday in Feb, but after that I just never messaged him. I’m probably at the bottom of his chats, the last one. (Because he is in mine.) (and it’s weird because he was always the first chat, sometimes second. And I, in his.) 

Because I am genuinely tired of ALWAYS being the one who has to make the move. I mean, yeah he did message once in a while, ONCE UPON A TIME, but I don’t know. 

We did snapchat a few times however, last month and this month, but honestly I’m just tired of his whole disinterest to reply. 

He acts like a two faced idiot making ME look like the villain to his sister (who happens to be my best friend). 

Like I’m the one who’s not trying. Um, hello? Have you met yourself? 

For all I know now, he could have another girlfriend. And I won’t say I don’t care, because I’m already crying at that thought hahaha lol. I see him online, changing his status or his display picture but he never messages. 

But yeah. 

Maybe some people just won’t fucking fade from your life, no matter how hard you try. I’ve got to accept it. 

It wouldn’t be long before he even forgot my name or my face. (cue tears streaming down my face)

In a nutshell, my life sucks, I don’t know what I’m doing, I just want him to come back so that I can kick the fuck out of his ass, I just want to be happy again. 

That’s it. That’s all I’m asking for. Because I don’t want to spend my life crying over what could’ve happened. It should’ve happened, he just chose to go towards someone else instead. 

He will always be the first choice in my boys category, and I don’t know where I stand in his, and to be honest, I don’t see myself at a very high choice and the waterworks have begun. 

WHERE ARE MY BOX OF TISSUES, DAMNIT?! 

On the flip side, I hope this feeling passes. I want to forget him just like how he forgot me. 

I rest my case.